The Grain

At long last it’s happened. The clock finally struck 12 on December the 31^st, 2009 (rung in, for me, by a rather abrasive antipodean woman in a pub in Oxford) to herald the dawn of a much sought new decade. The noughties seem to have taken a bit of a kicking from all quarters recently (even mild mannered Rowan Williams was having a pop). It has been painted as a decade of ‘annus horribilis’ – a ‘decade horribilis’ – and for good reason. September the 11^th, George W. Bush, ‘War on Terrorism’, phoned weapons of mass destruction and illegal wars. July the 7^th bombings in London, the rise and rise of reality television (to the extent that now even the news asks ‘how do you feel’ as its opening question, rather than ‘what is going on’), New labour turning really fucking sour, the financial crisis, the ‘credit crunch’ (perhaps the most odiously named ‘thing’ of all time) and, worst of all – the glacé cherry atop this steaming pile of woe – Newcastle United were relegated. Happy New Year.

But it wasn’t all bad, was it? Was it? I don’t know, was it? Surely we can’t have just endured ten years of unmitigated disaster; there must have been some sporadic rays of light? Surely!

Well, in an attempt at blind optimism, an innate desire to balance the argument and to stop from going mad with despair, I’ve tried to think of some good things that happened in the last decade (and I’ve had to think hard, dig deep and scrape the bottom of the barrel, believe me). Here are a few things, in absolutely no order of importance, which made the noughties nice.

Firstly; Myspace. Alright, alright naysayers (and I’m taking to myself as much as anyone else here – where am I going with this?) bear with me. Look past the shiny ads for the opportunity to ‘hear Katy Price’s playlist’ (?!) and think about the service provided. I’m not talking here about people posting ‘crazy’ photos of themselves, nor the glut of faux-phenomenon-‘MySpace-discovered’ musicians (Sandi Thom; for shame!). This is simply people with nothing to say and ‘the industry’ cack-handedly trying to hijack something new respectively. What I’m talking about is the possibility for musicians to create ca space where people can tell people where they’ll be playing, what they’ll be playing and – most importantly – most amazingly – a space where people can listen to their music – for free! Yes, it’s overcrowded, full of dross that one must relentlessly wade through to find something worth finding, but that’s what music and culture are like – that’s what the world is like. You have to try and find the needle in the haystack. Myspace at least provides a new, interesting haystack. It also creates, as contrived as this sounds, communities that do not rely on geographical proximity, but on aesthetic taste. As a direct result of MySpace, I have joined a band, had my music played in an art gallery in Dunedin, New Zealand and listened to some really interesting music, music made in bedrooms, music that doesn’t come with someone else’s seal of approval, music I could never have heard otherwise. For that, I am grateful.

Secondly, and on a similar theme, YouTube. Alright, bear with me. Look past the frankly bizarre adverts offering a service to ‘turn yourself into a cartoon’ (what, how and why? In that order.) I’m not talking here about watching Keyra Augustin’s arse or watching 4OD on YouTube. That’s low quality porn and ‘the industry’ belatedly and cack-handedly joining that which it cannot beat respectively. What I’m talking about is the possibility for unmediated ‘ordinary’ people to create the water cooler topics once provided for us by television. Real people doing stupid, funny, naive, contrived, natural, clever things have become the cultural touchstones of the noughties. And they’re universal. (Well, this isn’t strictly true. They’re universal within the sphere of nations who take an internet connection for granted. But this sphere is getting bigger, something else to thank the noughties for). I always think about probably the first Internet meme I became aware of; the ‘Numa Numa guy’. According to brain-substitute Wikipedia, that video – essentially a fat man doing a funny dance – has been watched over 700 million times! That means it has been watched more times than any television show. More than Del Boy falling through the bar, more than any episode of porridge – and that’s saying something. And it was made by a fat man in his bedroom because he thought his friends would find it funny. Something that can give that much power to fat lads in their bedrooms gives me a reason to smile.

Third. This may seem trite, particularly after extolling the virtues of two fairly stupid websites, but here goes. Obviously the election of Barack Obama was a pretty amazing event that happened in the noughties. Alright, I know it happened right at the end and can only be seem as a closing chapter on the decade dominated by neo-Conservatism and an opening of a new, un-blotted copy book for the coming decade. But it still happened in the 2000’s, so it still counts! Just think back to the early days of GWB. It seemed so unlikely that a Democrat, much less an African-American Democrat, would ever sit in the White House. But it has happened and, in a way, we have Bush and the noughties to thank for that. For within the decade just gone, George W and his ilk have spectacularly failed; demonstrating, in no uncertain terms, the unfairness, cruelty and ignorance inherent in their policies and world view. With luck, the noughties will be the decade that the de facto world leader will wake up, smack itself in the face and say ‘never again will we allow our country to be run by morons.’

On a similar note, we saw the collapse of the banks. As with Bush, this isn’t a good thing in itself. In this country we also had the expenses scandals and the rise of the BNP. Again, these things aren’t good, but the effect they have produced is. They have served us a much needed kick up the arse. It has demonstrated that complacency, apathy and a vague trust that ‘politics will work itself out’ is not, and never has been, a viable option. They have demonstrated that if you let institutions ‘just get on with things’, they take what they can and, invariably, fuck it up. The noughties, belatedly admittedly, have given us a reminder that politicians, bankers, those in power owe us. We chose them. They work for us. Yes we had to suffer to be reminded of this lesson, but if we take heed, then I think it will have been worth it.

Off the soap box now and onto something closer to my heart. As the decade ended, Newcastle United Football Club sat atop the division – and it has been a long time since I could say that. OK, we had to drop down a division. OK, we’re only half way through the season, yet to face the ignominy of an asset-stripping January transfer window and, in all probability, even if we do get promoted, we’ll be ‘torn up for arse paper’ (to borrow a phrase from my dad, and to use the word ‘arse’ for the third time) in the Premier league. But we have our own ‘Yes We Can[1]’ campaign and there is a sense that we have reached our nadir – God I hope so. This may seem distinctly unimportant sat next to the likes of Obama et al. Well, in the grand scheme of things, it is. But not to me. NUFC are a central thread in my life (and to at least one other Grain writer) and their fortunes are a paramount concern to me. Anyone who irrationally loves something (or someone) totally unaware of your individual existence, anyone who revels in being part of something bigger than themselves, or any of the people currently here will know that of which I speak. I took the Toon’s descent into becoming a national laughing stock this decade as a personal insult[2]. Yet perhaps this needed to happen. A fresh start from which we can reform as a proper football club, run by people who have the club’s best interests at heart. Here’s hoping.

So, what have the noughties given us – besides two websites, a black president and the N.U.S.T? Well, for me, it’s a renewed sense of people power. The importance and cultural impact of the singular person, the tight-knit group, the international collective – working and able to work unmediated, unchecked by ‘trends’ and the need to appeal to fabricated ‘demographics’ to create something that is entirely, defiantly ‘ours’. The noughties gave us a space to do that – it also gave us the necessity to do that and has shone a light on the path for the next ten years. Yes, it has been a hard, often horrible decade, but it has taught us the lessons of personal responsibility and the importance of creating something meaningful. At the risk of sounding overly idealistic – in fact at the risk of sounding like He Man ‘We have the power’!!!!

[2] Which, when coming from a number of South London lads I had been teaching, it often was!