I can’t remember exactly how old I was (which does have some pertinence to the following) – somewhere between seventeen and nineteen I think – when one day, in my fairly prosaic existence, whilst enjoying some toast and looking at the toaster (intently?!), I decided to challenge a common ‘assumption’ (albeit one based on a sound understanding of the laws of physics) and confirm my own corporeality/mortality. I deciding I was going to stick a knife in the toaster while it was on, electrical current in full flow, to see what would happen.
My age is relevant, in as much as I am attempting to demonstrate this was no act of naivety carried out by a yet-to-be worldly wise toddler, with little sense of right and wrong, or danger. No I was an adult, and contrary to this anecdotes apparent message, not an complete fucking idiot (despite this being the only way anyone could really interpret this text). I was fully aware of the principles that govern a flow of electrical charge passing through a conductor (in this case the wire coils – or element – of a toaster, offering the necessary resistance to produce the heat responsible for toasting my bread); I was fully of aware of the principles of grounding that would cause the electricity to run through (some part) of my body into the earth, and that should I break the circuit inside the toaster, I would prevent it from acting as a toaster.
After procrastinating over the worth of my experiment, fully aware of the probable, nay certain, outcome, I decided to proceed. After carefully selecting an entirely metallic knife, I pushed the toaster down (read: on) breadless, before recklessly inserting the knife into the toaster’s glowing core.
